


The Nuances of Human Custom

by Taly00



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Ensemble Cast, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27762199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taly00/pseuds/Taly00
Summary: Both Autobots and Decepticons have brokered a ceasefire as a looming threat faces Cybertronians as a whole. The Galactic Council reformed to seek an end to the Cybertronian race due to their war that has ravaged planets across the stars. The Cybertronians—with shaky peace on board the Ark, find themselves isolated and far from Earth. However, despite being far from their closest (and only) allies, someone suggests introducing human traditions and culture as a way to strengthen the peace between the factions and to help ease anxiety from the threat that faces them.It's all one big translation error really.
Relationships: Megatron/Starscream (Transformers)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part crack, part au
> 
> I made this for you know who you are <3
> 
> First published fic.

Starscream never could have imagined an outcome like this. In fact even Shockwave, nestled in the crevices of Cybertron, was even more surprised when Galactic Juggernauts loomed over his station in Kalis. 

This ultimately led to an evacuation through the spacebridge. Shockwave had told Megatron that the Galactic Council reformed to finally put an end to Cybertronians...permanently and managed to take all of Cybertron hostage. Hearing his message, Starscream could swear he almost heard Shockwave express emotion.

When Megatron received the message, he actually called Optimus and shut himself in his office for 5 hours. When he came out, he had announced a ceasefire and an immediate make ready to move out to the Ark. It happened so fast Starscream was honestly impressed. To think all it took was an outside threat to make an aim towards their home planet well...it’s almost ironic to think about.

Apparently Optimus didn’t want to risk putting Earth in a crossfire with the Galactic Council and additional Cybertronian affairs (also ironic, Starscream mused). So, Megatron and Optimus quickly drafted a ceasefire and now the Autobots and Decepticons were crammed into the Ark.

Three months have passed.

The Ark continues to remain secluded and cloaked in an empty pocket of the galaxy. Nemesis was left on Earth with a small group of mechs to gather intel on Cybertron through the space bridge.

Starscream sat and drummed his fingers on the table as the joint-command meeting room slowly filled with bots and cons alike. Optimus had called a joint command meeting to discuss cross-faction infighting again. Starscream rolled his optics. Honestly, for a bot that supposedly has the wisdom of primes he’d have the wisdom to know that yet another ‘truce’ wasn’t going to fix the millions of years of conflict. 

Everyone settled in and Optimus cleared his throat,“I called this meeting to discuss the ongoing troubles that our people have had these past few months, I-”

“Prime, shut. Up.” Megatron sat next to Starscream and had his elbows on the table and was pinching his nose as if trying to soothe a helmache. “These meetings obviously don’t help, may I remind you Optimus, we are here because the Galactic Council has involved themselves in our affairs. Tensions are already high as they are, how about we stop circling around and actually figure out a way to remove the council from occupying Cybertron.”

“If we don’t have these meetings how are we to-”

“I didn’t sign this ceasefire to make some sort of peace with you Autobots.”

“And yet you are now aboard our ship, it would be be best if-”

“We agreed to work on stopping the Galactic Council from hunting us down not to forget and forgive this war. The moment they are gone from Cybertron I won’t hesitate to take up arms again.” Megatron growled and slowly put his hands on the table, rose up from his chair gazing down on Optimus with bared teeth. Optimus stared back, unfazed.

Autobots at the table turned still. Prowl, sitting next to Optimus, quickly straightened up in defense. “We are here because the factions agreed to an armistice, it would be stupid to try anything Megatron. Optimus we should-”

Optimus glanced over and raised his hand to cut him off. “That is enough Prowl. Megatron is already aware of our negotiated terms. There is no need.”

“...yes, Prime.” Prowl stiffly adjusted in his seat.

Optimus returned to Megatron and frowned. “Making such statements helps no one Megatron, your anger is justified and tensions are high, but to solve this problem we must work together. The ceasefire ends when the council is no longer a threat to our people and our home planet.”

Megatron scowled and slumped back down. Starscream had to hold back a snort. Optimus cleared his throat again. “I called this meeting to discuss new ways to help ease the anxiety and improve productivity between factions, unfortunately previous solutions have not adequately helped.”

“Did you really think a Hax game night would solve our problems?” Starscream crossed his arms and leaned back. “I’m pretty sure Ironhide popped a cranium circuit when he saw the beginner’s board.” Ironhide scowled at Starscream across the table as Jazz quietly huffed a laugh. 

Megatron smirked and rolled his shoulders back adjusting in his seat, “Okay Prime, we’ve been on your ship for three months. What solutions could you possibly offer besides the mindless and ineffective drivel you’ve already had our mechs do?” 

“Well since previous solutions from my Autobots have not been effective, I was considering-”

“Woah boss, I don't think Ratchet would appreciate it if everyone was busted up because Decepticons suggested shuttle bay pit fighting.” Jazz piped in quickly. Ratchet harrumphed in agreement, sternly looking across the table towards Megatron. 

Optimus made a long exhale. “Acknowledged. This meeting will serve as a brainstorming session, any activities that are deemed harmful or violent are off the board.”

“Maybe we’re considering the wrong solutions?” Jazz crossed his arms and leaned back. “Perhaps finding solutions in objectively competitive things might not be the best way to bring peace between previously warring factions.” Starscream rolled his eyes and sneered. “Then what would you propose?” Jazz smiled and shrugged, “How about a celebration?”

-

“Oh, well of course. Let’s celebrate how we’ll all end up killing ourselves, ultimately doing the Galactic Council a favor.” Starscream sneered.

Optimus grumbled in confusion, “Elaborate Jazz.”

Jazz shrugs. “On Earth, there are some human traditions that celebrate coming together or appreciating the company they have like friends and family. So for example-”

Megatron bursts a hardy laugh. “We are hardly friends, Autobot.”

Jazz rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know that Buckethead, but what I’m trying to say is that these celebrations on Earth bring unity between humans who might even have grievances between them.”

“Autobot Jazz is correct.” Soundwave monotone voice chimes in. “It is human nature to undergo Socialization. Their survival rates depend on the degree of which human-to-human contact is involved, whether intimately or platonically.”

Starscream rolls his eyes. “I hardly think human nature is going to solve Cybertronian affairs.”

Soundwave rebuttals. “Lieutenant Starscream would be incorrect. Autobots and Decepticons have been stationed on Earth for the past 3 years. This has affected our behavior on the smallest level. We have begun reflecting that of Humanity already.”

Starscream scoffed, “And how exactly have we begun acting like humans?”

Soundwave replied, “Thundercracker: referred to his refueling time as a ‘coffee break.’ Additionally, Lieutenant Starscream, you have once referred to Megatron by a term related to a female canine which is known as an insult in human culture.”

Starscream sputtered, “Well I-” 

Megatron rolled his eyes.

Optimus interjected, “There are perhaps thousands of celebratory events within human culture. Which one would be best effective in alleviating our problem? 

Soundwave looked at Jazz. “Suggestions?”

Jazz smiled and leaned in with elbows on the table, hands out. “Here’s what we can do.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catboy Starscream? Perhaps...

Starscream stood impatiently against the wall of the medbay waiting for Ratchet to finish fixing up whatever absurd Earth-like entity Thudercracker chose to be for this ‘team exercise.’

As Thundercracker walked off looking to be what ratchet referred to as a ‘Sprung, dressed rodent’ swearing that humans do in fact dress respectively to many mammalian creatures on their planet. How this somehow brought entertainment and unity amongst humans was elusive to Starscream.

“Your turn Screamer,” Ratchet gruffed while pulling out an array of items Starscream had no idea what they could do. Ratchet pulls out a long, black...string? The diameter was too wide to be a string and it had a magnet connector at the base of it. 

Starscream scoffed and sneered towards Ratchet, “I hardly think this is worth the effort, you Autobots find the most absurd and yet humiliating ideas to promote unity.” 

Ratchet shook his head, “Take that up with your leader, as I recall, he also agreed to this.” Ratchet moved behind Starscream to attach the component. “This is meant to serve as an artificial tail representative of the feline species on Earth. The component is made of metal alloy pieces connected by joints to assist fluid movement when attached. Surges of receptor responses from the wearer causes swishing movement from the tail to evoke a somewhat plausible appearance of legitimacy.”

Starscream blanched, “What kind of scrap is this, I’m supposed to be some type of animal!?”

Ratchet continued, unfazed. “Additionally, you’ll have to wear this.” He hands Starscream a helm band (which have shell-like triangles on it) with similar components and explains it’s to bring a sense of “realism” that humans strive for with costumes during celebration. Starscream scrunched his face up in displeasure. Once Ratchet was finished with the ‘attire’ Starscream leaves the medbay ears flicking and tail swishing back and forth.

-

This feels humiliating.

Starscream stands in the corner of the rec room scowling at anyone who tries to approach him. His tail and ears flick and swish constantly expressing his more-than-disgruntled emotions. This situation was as embarrassing as it was farcical. At least he wasn’t the only one, Starscream mused as he saw other mechs walk in with even more inane costumes. 

Optimus seems to be wearing a set of wings from an avian species with some sort of helm band with a hoop over his head. Bumblebee was covered in wraps of cloth? Starscream scrunched up his face in confusion, what was that supposed to be? 

What was even more confusing was Soundwave’s attire. Soundwave appeared to be wearing a cap with a jarring red plus sign on it. Additionally, he was also wearing some type of garment meant to hold mammalian breasts similar to what humans have. It clearly didn’t fit because it stretched across his chest plate and the plus signs on each cup looked more like minus symbols. 

Rumble and Frenzy also wore garments like Soundwave, except theirs were solid blue and instead of a cap, the two cassettes wore a barracks cover that matched the garments with a gold star on the front. Rumble and Frenzy clearly knew what they were wearing as they imitated a gun fight around Soundwave, yelling and laughing. All the while, Soundwave stood completely still, as if dead inside.

What the frag is happening? Starscream looked down into his energon checking to see if it was indeed laced with some chemical. While he was looking down, Starscream didn't notice Megatron approach holding a long mangled wooden stick with a bushel at the bottom and wearing what appears to be a cone-like black hat. 

Starscream snorted. “Lord Megatron, I am delighted to say that you look hideous.” 

Megatron scoffs and looks Starscream up and down. “We both look ridiculous Starscream. But,” Megatron looks to the side to see Starscream’s tail raised up and flicking, “it seems your costume is more fitting than mine.”

Starscream scowls and pulls his tail down, all the while his ears flick in agitation.

Megatron chuckles and leans and compliments Starscream by saying starscream does indeed reflect that of a feline. Too close, Starscream steps and tries to sputter a retort but it sounds more like scoffs. His tail tries to raise up again.

Megatron leans back with a small smirk on his face. “Apparently, this is only part one of the Autobots monstrous solution.” Megatron gives out a deep, exhausted sigh. “The Autobot spymaster had hidden ‘gifts’ around the ship for everyone to find. He encouraged ‘teaming up’ to find as many as possible.”

Starscream fake gagged. “I’m not doing this drivel, why wasn’t I aware of this until just now!?” 

Megatron looked at him deadpanned, “Now you’re blaming? You deliberately ignored the schedule and instead decided to polish yourself. Which by the way, you’ll need to be penalized for that.” 

Megatron frowned and Starscream shifted in discomfort.

Megatron continued, “We will also be having a ‘feast’ after the ordeal. Prime spoke about something something ‘to be thankful’ something I was not listening after that.”

Starscream looked at him bewildered, “Why the slag did you agree then?”

Megatron looked towards the refuel area, “Soundwave was willing to agree so I relented. Besides, he certainly looks like he’s having fun.”

Soundwave had not moved at all since Starscream entered the room. Primus, he looked like he was screaming for help.

Megatron looked back at Starscream and gave a quick sigh. “We’ll team up for the gift hunt, I need to keep my eye on you anyway. I’m still thinking about what I should do for your chastisement.” Megatron sipped from the energon he was holding. “Besides, this idea is so absurd it just might work.”


	3. Chapter 3

Frag this.

At some point Megatron lost his stick so he was wearing nothing but a cone hat. Additionally, Starscream took off his helm band out of annoyance that it was saying too much. 

Starscream also managed to crawl under a small desk to try and see if there was a small egg-shaped ‘gift’ attached to the bottom. When he backed out he realised that his wings have inevitably made him stuck under the desk. Starscream groaned in irritation. This was so humiliating. He’s going to have to ask Megatron for help lifting the desk. 

Before he had to succumb to that, Megatron comes back into the room holding two more little colored eggs and sees Starscream’s aft up in the air—clearly trying to pull himself out from under the desk. He huffs and comes over to pry him out. Megatron ends up yanking the tail hard, ultimately evoking a high pitched yelp from Starscream as he slammed the top of his head beneath the desk.

Frag this realism to the pits! 

“Just rip the desk off the floor Megatron!” Starscream whined, there wasn’t even an egg under the desk. There was no response. Starscream heard Megatron’s footsteps but couldn’t pinpoint or see where he was.

“Megatron? Hello!? To the pits with you, I swear if you-!” Starscream jolted and fell silent as he felt the sides of his thighs being touched. 

“You still need to be disciplined for blatantly ignoring your duties as Second-in-Command.” Megatron shuffled on his knees and moved in between Starscream’s legs, rubbing the sides of his thighs.

Starscream mutely opened his mouth with an ‘oh.’ He smirked and made a small huff as he shifted a little, opening his legs a bit to let Megatron slide in better. “My, my Lord Megatron. I do hope the chastisement will teach me a lesson.” 

“Yes. I’ll make sure this is thorough so you won’t ignore your duties again.”

-

Megatron and Starscream came back to the main rec room, collectively holding a measly 5 eggs. All the while, Starscream appeared to be walking in a slight limp. The main rec room had all the tables lined up to create one long table in the middle of the room, bots and cons were already getting seated. The table was covered in fuel that was used to make gelatin like forms of Earth food. Soft and cheery chatter filled the room as festive Earth music played in the background. 

Soundwave was nodding to whatever blaster was saying while their cassettes ran around playing tag. Ironhide, who was wearing a shaggier version of Starscream’s costume, was recounting a war story to Thudercracker. 

Even Shockwave, wearing a helm band with long bright blue tails (on his head?) was discussing some abstract logistics with Perceptor who seemed intently interested in what he had to say. Perceptor seemed to be wearing a yellow wig with a white bow in it.

Where did Jazz get all of these items?

They move towards the table on the right of the room where Jazz was counting up the eggs from each team. “You found only five in 2 hours?” Jazz looked at them with a raised brow.

“They were small and tiny” Starscream bites back and drops the five eggs in the basket. They walk back to the long table—grabbing some energon first and sit at the far end next to each other.

Everyone finally got seated with their cups of energon. The music quieted down as Jazz tapped his glass to garner attention. 

“I hope the egg hunt was to everyone’s liking?” Scatter grumbles and affirmations were heard around the table. “Thundercracker and I have finished counting up the eggs from each group and believe me there was a close call between two groups.” 

Jazz bent down and took out a small basket with a single strip of paper. “The winner of the Annual Cybertronian Egg-Hunt is none other than Soundwave and Blaster!” 

“Annual?”

“Um? Who said this was gonna happen again?”

“I think Jazz forgot to say Soundwave, Blaster, and their cassettes.”

“Wouldn’t that count as cheating?”

“Well both sides cheated. Teamwork wins again, woo.”

“I’m just glad it’s over.”

Scatter claps and a rising commotion filled the room. Jazz quickly tapped his glass and cleared his throat. “There’s one more thing I would like us to do before we finally dig into our food.” Jazz gestured towards Optimus and Megatron, “a speech from our respective leaders.”

Optimus cleared his throat and stood up. “Thank you Jazz.” Optimus picked up his glass. “Despite our unusual predicament, We have joined united as one people in the hopes that we may survive. It is in my faith that we will restore Cybertron, not as factions but as Cybertronians—united in the pursuit of prosperity and peace. 

I would like to thank Jazz for suggesting this affair as a way to bring us together. In Humans, I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. It was their celebrations that brought us together. I, Optimus Prime will do—”

Megatron groaned in annoyance, “There’s no need to drag this out Prime,” He stood up across the table and picked up his glass, “I admit, this whole ordeal has been somewhat enjoyable. And to that extent I’ll drink.” Megatron threw back his head gulping down on the energon. Some scattered chuckles and cheers went across the table with others drinking as well. 

Megatron sat down while Optimus huffed a laugh and raised his glass, “Agreed, Megatron.” He took a sip of his energon and settled back into his chair. Jazz turned on the music while bots and cons began picking from the table spread.

“Speaking of celebrations,” Ironhide pointed out to Jazz, “What’s the name of this celebration anyway?”

Jazz leaned over next to him, “Since this was sort of a last minute idea the research was sort of sloppy, I’m pretty sure humans call this day by the date.”

“And what day is it?”

“The Fourth of July.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed any references, let me know ;)
> 
> Please leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed!


End file.
